Funny Life Hacks & Cheats 4

(4th set of Funny Life Hacks & Cheats.) 

Funny Life Hacks & Cheats

Funny Life Hacks & Cheats 2
Funny Life Hacks & Cheats 3


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31. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

32. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

33. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

34. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

35. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

36. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

37. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

38.Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

39. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

40. On most elevators, press “close door” and your floor number at the same time for express service. You will skip all floors between even if people are calling the elevator.

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Funny Life Hacks & Cheats 3

(3rd set of Funny Life Hacks & Cheats.) 

Funny Life Hacks & Cheats

Funny Life Hacks & Cheats 2

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21. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

22. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

23. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

24. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

25. Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in hospital dying of nothing.

26. Why does a slight tax increase cost you £200 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30p?

27. ONE careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue.

28. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

29. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

30. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

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Funny Life Hacks & Cheats 2

(Second set of Funny Life Hacks & Cheats.)

Funny Life Hacks & Cheats

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11. A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.

12. Convince neighbours that you have invented a 'SHRINKING' device by ruffling your hair, wearing a white laboratory coats and parking a digger outside your house for a few days. Then dim and flicker the lights in your house during the night
and replace the digger unseen with a Tonka toy of the same description. Watch their faces in the morning!

13. Ford Ka drivers - Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgem cars anyway, so it may as well look like one.

14. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving acrossthe road and mounting the curb.

15. When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

16. The easiest way to find something you’ve lost is to buy a replacement.

17. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

18. There are two kinds of pedestrians – the quick and the dead.

19. Life is sexually transmitted.

20. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

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Funny Life Hacks & Cheats

Funny Life Hacks & Cheats 




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1. Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have the oven serviced.

2. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

3. Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

3. Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent ink pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

5. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

6. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

7. Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower and letting someone else win.

8. Heavy smokers: Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your ceiling.

9. Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.

10. X File fans: Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.

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Funny Facebook Status (Part 7)

Seventh set of Funny Facebook Status Collection. Update your status using FB Status via to make it cooler.

(Part 1)

(Part 2)

(Part 3)

(Part 4)

(Part 5)

(Part 6)

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By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass!

we live in a world where losing phone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

DID YOU KNOW:

EARTHWORM has 5 hearts. OCTOPUS has 3 hearts.

HUMAN has 1 heart.

kaya kapag nagmahal ka ng 2 o higit pa, simulan mo ng magtanong kung anong klaseng HAYOP ka.

Ang mga malalandi ay parang China Phone lang yan

.

.

Maganda ngang tingnan pero low-quality naman!

Be happy in front of people who don’t like you.

.

.

IT KILLS THEM.

Ang panliligaw parang DOTA lang yan ahaha.

1. Pag hindi ka sure sa GIRL.

... Pwede ka mag RE-PICK .

2. Pag wala kang pang DATE.

... FARM lang muna.

3. Pag wala kang KARIBAL.

.....PUSH lang.

4. Pag lamang KARIBAL mo.

....Back muna, heal ka muna bago lumaban.

5. Pag MINAHAL ka niya.

.... Mag-roshan ka. para di na mawala kahit

ma-deads ka.

6. Pag ayaw talaga SAYO.

.....Alt tab sabay Facebook Mode. 

Behind every great status.. There is ctrl+c & ctrl+v

APO: lola, aatend ako ng tipar. 

LOLA: anong tipar? 

APO: Tipar is party. 

LOLA: Puro salitang kalye! Mga PS kaung lhat! 

APO: anu ung PS lola? 

LOLA: Paking shet! xD

Tatay: bagsak k n nmn! Bat di mo gyahin si Pedro? Palaging my honor! 

Anak: unfair naman kung ikukumpara nyo ako kay Pedro! 

Tatay: bkit naman?

Anak: matalino kaya tatay nun!

Ang makabagong babae, hindi man kasinggaling magluto ng

nanay nila, kasinggaling naman tumagay ng tatay nila.

Porket ba inuuntog yung ulo sa bato, eh baliw na agad?

.

.

Hindi ba pwedeng Super Mario muna? =)

Nanay: Ang lakas mong kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!

Anak: “Kapag yung baboy natin malakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino ba talaga anak mo, ako o yong baboy?”

Kung feeling mo, may nararamdaman siya para sayo.

.

.

Aba tama ka! Feeling mo lang yun. :P

TANGA1: Cge kung mgaling ka talga sa math, 2+2?

TANGA2: Eh di 5!

TANGA1: Bwahahahaha!

TANGA2: Oh bakit ka tumatawa?!

TANGA1: Wala lang. Kala ko kasi hndi mo alam eh. xD

Yung feeling na crush na crush mo siya dati tas magiging close lang kayo kung kailan hindi mo na siya crush.

Para kang Tetris. Hindi kasi ako

interesado sayo. ^____^

Ang love parang sipon, Why do you keep on pulling it back?

When it’s better to let it go

May mga tao sa mundo...

may mga bagay, mga hayop...

.

.

at mga halaman din!

PEDRO: pare, ang lakas ng ulan. hindi ka makakauwi! dito ka na lang matulog.

JUAN: sige pare, dito na lang ako matutulog! kukunin ko lang ang unan at kumot sa bahay!

Behind Every Player, is a girl Who broke his heart...

"Sana SLR ka na lang, para kapag nakafocus ka na sakin, BLURRED na yung iba."

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Funny Facebook Status (Part 6)

Sixth set of Funny Facebook Status Collection. Update your status using FB Status via to make it cooler.

(Part 1)
(Part 2)
(Part 3)
(Part 4)

(Part 5)

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boy: Miss smart ka ba??
girl: baket?
boy:hindi kasi halata

How a woman cleans the toilet: Clorox, rubber gloves, scrub brush.
How a man cleans the toilet: Pees extra hard to remove any stains.

if you're being a pussy, you won't get any. ;)

Sana lock nalang ako.. Para keys kita.
.
.
Keys kita ha?

Don't compare your life with others,
You have no idea what their journey is all about.

Boyfriend: Pakasal na tayo?
Girlfriend: Sige!
Boyfriend: San mo gusto? Sa Pari o sa
Judge?
Girlfriend: Syempre sayo! Tangang to,
nirereto pako sa iba.

"Fooling her? Try hidden soldiers" 
- Pacman

Tetris ka ba ?
.
.
-- Bakit ?
.
.
.
Kasi kapag nakikita kita ruma-RANK UP ang puso ko.
pero pag nakikita kta kasama ang iba, ruma-RANK DOWN pag asa ko.
kelan kya tau le-LEVEL UP ?
makikipag-BATTLE pa ba ako sa iba, para lng makuha kta ?
makikipag-SPRINT pa ba ako, pra maunahan ko sila ?
eh paano kung maubos ang ENERGY ko kakaintay sau ?
kailangan ko pa ba ng ARMOR pra lng hndi ako masaktan ?
basta i-INVITE mo na lng ako sa puso mo,
tignan ntin kung WIN or LOSE ako sau. 

hindi mo kailangan libutin ang mundo para makita ang true love mo...
.
.
May address naman ako,gusto mo bigay ko sayo?

Minsan kelangan nating madapa para...
.

.
AGAW PANSIN

Better late than never...
But never late is better..!

yung feeling na ng-open k ng facebook tpos wla ni isang notification..

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...........
I never believed in Hell until I met you."

ANAK: 'Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako
ng "cocomban".
TATAY: Ano ka ba naman. Hangga ngayon "cocomban" pa rin ang tawag mo!
ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama?
TATAY: Bomb paper!

imagine zombies looking for brains..
.
.
.
.
Tapos, .
.
linagpasan ka! Anu yun?! Bastusan?;->

Boy: When u smile, I want ur lips. When u cry, I want ur tears. When u sleep, I want ur dreams.

Girl: I`m on the toilet, u want my shit too?

I always wondered why 'W' is called Double U, when clearly it's Double V. =]

"walang banal na binata, sa babaeng labas ang hita".

Ang MAYABANG mahal ka'na ayaw pang aminin. Ang TORPE mahal ka'na ayaw pang sbihin, ang PAKIPOT mahal ka na ayaw pang sagutin. Pero ang TANGA nakatapak na ng tae inamoy pa!

Rebisco Kaba!!!!
.
.
Kc Kapag nakikita kita Ang Sarap ng Feeling ko !!!

Akala ko dati ordinaryong tao lang ako,
.
.
Hanggang sa matuklasan ko Powers ko,
.
.
Invisible pala ko sa mata ng taong mahal ko :'(

Friends are like STARS...even though sometimes you may not see them, you know that they are there, hiding somewhere...

In FB, they may occasionally send you game and app requests as their way of telling you to keep in touch... :]

My wallet is like an onion, when I open it, it makes me cry.

"PAIN"...
.
.
.
ung ginagamit mo pra sa paghuli ng isda...
PAIN .

tumabi ko syo at huminga ng malalim tinanong mo
bakit?
ngumiti ako...
nagtanong ka ulit...
bakit nga?
bakit?masama bang huminga?!

Ang IPIS ang PINAKAPOGING nilalang sa
mundo kasi lakad pa lang niya...
.
Sigawan na!
.
What more pa kaya kung dumapo na sa 'yo?
.
Todo kilig ka na,
Patalon-talon ka pa!

Kapag ako nag-asawa at inutusan akoo maglaba, aba! aba! aba! HIWALAY AGAD!!! 
.
.
and dekolor sa puti.

Ang QUOTES parang ANGRY BIRDS! Kapag binitawan malamang may pinapatamaan.

2 Mayabang. 
PARE1: Galing ng aso ko. Tuwing umaga, dala niya dyaryo sakin. PARE2: Alam ko. 
PARE1: Ha? Pano mo nalaman? 
PARE2: Kwinento kaya sakin ng aso ko!

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Funny Facebook Status (Part 5)

Fifth set of my Funny Facebook Status Collection. You can also update your status in here FB Status via and choose from a variety of gadgets. :)
(Part 1)
(Part 2)
(Part 3)
(Part 4)
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sana sibuyas n lng ako, para mpapaluha kita tuwing cnasaktan m ako..

Dear Lord , give us back Michael Jackson. We'll
give you Justin Bieber. Amen.

What's on my mind? WHAT'S ON MY MIND?! Pakialam mo ba?! 

"parehas naman tayong panget eh... kaya lang sakin ugali."

aanhin mu nga naman ang magagara at
mamahaling mga damit. kung ang
pinakamasayang pangyayari sa
buhay mo ay nangyayari ng
WALANG DAMIT?

im on. . .

"Filipinos are talented people ; and our worst talent is to govern a country"

Save the best for last.
Save the best. They do not last.
Check the Best Before. Food do not last.

is masturbating!

FACEBOOK: - Log on
- Check notifications
- Poke everyone back
- Go on homepage
- Do the "happy birthday"
ritual - Go back to homepage
- Change from "Top news" to
"Most recent"
- Have a little scroll down
- Like a couple of pages
- You're bored already ..

Jingle bells
Twitter smells, Tumblr
go away.. Myspace yuck
and VEVO sucks, Facebook
all the way! hey! *look who's singing*

is ... walang magawa LOL ...

"MAGALING KA DAW SA ALGEBRA ! SOOO CAN U SUBSTITUE MY "X" WITHOUT ASKING "Y " ?"

"Smokers never grow old, they die young"

"Alcoholics never grow old, they die young"

processing status...

sa kalalakwatsa ni DORA na’rape siya ng isang POKEMON...
ayun, nabuo c DORAEMON 

Monday, Tuesday and the rest WTF...

Insert coin to view my status message...

sa 2wing nakikita kita...
gusto kong mag sorry sa eyes ko..

Whats on your mind?

YOU!

OO NGA PANGET AKO PERO MAGANDA NAMAN ANG ASAWA KO...........

Great things starts in small beginning
-milo

Dalawang araw ko lang naman sya gustong makasama eh...

ARAW-ARAW... 

3 things that u must not forget...
Pangalan
Tirahan
at Suking tindahan...

I admit Im a drinker but occasionally only.Take note occasions only like:

Bdays-xmas-new yr-anniversary-monthsary-weeksary-cool off session-break up-broken hearted-victory party-all saints day-nat'l heroes day-rizal day-sleep over party-b4 d exam party-after d exam-class suspended-vacant session-absent ang prof party-maramimg pera party-trip lang uminom-yayaan bigla party.
See? Di kya ako masyadong umiinom hehe...ewan ko na lang sa inyo

"Tabi kayo, uutot ako!!"

Last night i read a book about how to quit drinking... so now i have decided to quit reading that book...

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Funny Facebook Status (Part 4)

Part 4 of my Funny Facebook Status Collection. Feel free to use them. You can also use them together with FB Status via
(Part 1)
(Part 2)
(Part 3)


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Nakahiga ako sa aking kama, tumingin sa langit at nagwika, "ASAN NA YUNG BUBONG?!"


sometimes, i waste my time thinking 0f some0ne I'll never have...


Don't judge Facebook. It's not a book, duh?


tuwing exam ang hirap pala mag isip ng mag isip pag ang katabi mo ay matalino


why waste ur time sleeping, when you'll have more when you DIE!


there's too much blood in my alcohol system


This isn't a game! This is my LIFE!


USB KAYU NG USB eh flashdrive un xD


panget na nga tinitagyawat pa!


Hindi bale nang malaki ang tiyan, basta hindi bata ang laman

After reading this .. You will just realize that you've wasted 7 seconds of your life. And I've wasted 20 seconds of my life writing this!


pangit man sa paningin wag mong hahamakin naka bubuntis din xD


don't talk to strangers if the stranger is YOU


Black is beauty but too much black i clottey


i have been admitted to the
hospital,the doctor says its critical,so
its either ICU oR UC ME


I would rather open my Facebook... Than to Face my Book..

dati baby pa ko,ngayon ako na nagawa ng baby !


sabi mo ako lang mahal mo,bakit malalaman ko nalang eh pati nanay mo eh mahal mo?!!


kahit gano kalakas ka makipagsuntukan eh hindi ka mananalo sakin,mabilis ako tumakbo eh !


dont judge the book by its face


binabati ko nga poh pala ung nanay at tatay ko nand2 nako sa willing-willie artista na ako


Bakit may mga taong pa hard-to-get ang ugali kahit na hard-to-like naman ang mukha?..


Bakit kelangan i-click ang Photos e video gusto ko makita?!


Nalimutan ko yung ilalagay kong status.


TUKSO

Sa hardin ng Paraiso -
Adam: Lord, hindi ko na kaya ang pagtukso ng ahas sa akin!
Lord: Maging matatag ka, anak. Ano ba ang tukso ng ahas sa iyo?
Adam: Uy Supot! Supot! Supot!

my story of success:
1992 - i was a baby
BUT
now
2011-
i can produce a baby...

Do u know d meaning of A B C D E F G
H.....?_
A boy can do evrything for girls
heart...

kung mababaw ang dahilan kung bakit
kita mahal eh di lalaliman ko na lang
ang dahilan kung bakit tau
magtatagal.

Kung hnd Kita mahuli sa PANA at SIBAT huhulihin nlang Kita saa NGITI at KINDAT



walang taong bobo, depende sa katabi

"Kissing in the lips is great but be sure it's not too long & never close your eyes ,
cause you'll encounter a strange feeling called "LIBOG""

THE BIGGEST LIE EVER:

"I have read and agreed to the terms of use"

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